How to Speak Hard Truths with Grace — and Actually Change Minds: Knowing how to speak up persuasively may be the most important skill we need right now.
I’m so grateful for your readership, Becky! Your support means more than you know. This was a challenging piece to write — as you can probably imagine! ❤️
Thanks, Phelim — it is quite a story, and sadly, not a work of fiction. Since publishing it, I’ve heard from many in the theater world who feel the same way but are too afraid to speak out. What a sad commentary — and one that’s crying out for a sequel. Trans on Stage, perhaps? 😉
Grateful for the truth-telling you’ve already brought to life in Trans on Trial — for anyone who hasn’t watched it yet, it’s riveting: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OHbL7NI12ZQ
Those debating gender need to talk to women of your mom’s era. Almost all of us wanted to be boys. As girls there were so many limits we saw as unfair. Elementary school playground equipment, boys only. Girls in dresses might show their panties hanging from monkey bars.
High school mechanical shop classes, mechanical drawing and graphic arts, boys only. The Universities limited women to: liberal arts, fine arts, education, nursing, library science, and dental hygiene. Medicine, law, dentistry, finance, and engineering, for men only. There were a few exceptions. Having a father in higher education administration could remove barriers. We’ve seen so many barriers removed without destroying children.
By the 1960’s women’s brains and abilities were finally being recognized and women like yourself are now recognized and respected for all that they can contribute.
Thank you so much — I love this perspective, and you’re absolutely right. So many girls identified with boys not because they wanted to be boys, but because they wanted access to the things boys got to do. You remind us that gender nonconformity isn’t a pathology — it’s often just a healthy reaction to societal constraints.
What’s tragic is that instead of removing constraints — or helping kids embrace their full potential — we’re steering them toward irreversible medical paths. As you said so beautifully: we’ve broken so many barriers without destroying children. That’s exactly what we should keep doing. Thank you for this powerful reminder.
I first "met" Melanie by attending her Be Persuasive zoom class while a BOE Director (during COVID). She helped me and many others determine that being persuasive (and how to be persuasive) won over more people than being angry or blaming. It was a game changer.
Now, this article is also a game changer. When so many out there want someone else to speak up, but are too afraid to take a stance, this article becomes a road map. Not just for the gender issues. Too often, people abuse others for expressing their views that go against the group think of "progressive" ideology. Too often, those on one side (or the other) use anger and false equivalencies to attack those that do not agree with them.
Truth wins in the end. Speak truth (not your truth, but THE Truth), speak kindly, speak persuasively!
Thank you! I appreciate the kind feedback. It’s a really tough issue to discuss because of the sensitivities and reflex tribalism.
Thankfully, Substack makes it so much more satisfying to write because of all the cool graphics and links you can use to get your point across thoughtfully.…and there are no editors!
Thanks Neil! I actually decided to do it after feedback from the Kansas School Board workshop I did…and of course the craziness happening now in Colorado. People are very motivated to engage in this issue, thankfully!
Outstanding article. Thought provoking. Always learning from you, Melanie
I’m so grateful for your readership, Becky! Your support means more than you know. This was a challenging piece to write — as you can probably imagine! ❤️
Amazing story about the Theatre company
Thanks, Phelim — it is quite a story, and sadly, not a work of fiction. Since publishing it, I’ve heard from many in the theater world who feel the same way but are too afraid to speak out. What a sad commentary — and one that’s crying out for a sequel. Trans on Stage, perhaps? 😉
Grateful for the truth-telling you’ve already brought to life in Trans on Trial — for anyone who hasn’t watched it yet, it’s riveting: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OHbL7NI12ZQ
Melanie:
Those debating gender need to talk to women of your mom’s era. Almost all of us wanted to be boys. As girls there were so many limits we saw as unfair. Elementary school playground equipment, boys only. Girls in dresses might show their panties hanging from monkey bars.
High school mechanical shop classes, mechanical drawing and graphic arts, boys only. The Universities limited women to: liberal arts, fine arts, education, nursing, library science, and dental hygiene. Medicine, law, dentistry, finance, and engineering, for men only. There were a few exceptions. Having a father in higher education administration could remove barriers. We’ve seen so many barriers removed without destroying children.
By the 1960’s women’s brains and abilities were finally being recognized and women like yourself are now recognized and respected for all that they can contribute.
Thank you so much — I love this perspective, and you’re absolutely right. So many girls identified with boys not because they wanted to be boys, but because they wanted access to the things boys got to do. You remind us that gender nonconformity isn’t a pathology — it’s often just a healthy reaction to societal constraints.
What’s tragic is that instead of removing constraints — or helping kids embrace their full potential — we’re steering them toward irreversible medical paths. As you said so beautifully: we’ve broken so many barriers without destroying children. That’s exactly what we should keep doing. Thank you for this powerful reminder.
Spot on. So well said. Great read. Keep up the great work Melanie.
I first "met" Melanie by attending her Be Persuasive zoom class while a BOE Director (during COVID). She helped me and many others determine that being persuasive (and how to be persuasive) won over more people than being angry or blaming. It was a game changer.
Now, this article is also a game changer. When so many out there want someone else to speak up, but are too afraid to take a stance, this article becomes a road map. Not just for the gender issues. Too often, people abuse others for expressing their views that go against the group think of "progressive" ideology. Too often, those on one side (or the other) use anger and false equivalencies to attack those that do not agree with them.
Truth wins in the end. Speak truth (not your truth, but THE Truth), speak kindly, speak persuasively!
Always thoughtful and persuasive, Melanie
Thank you! I appreciate the kind feedback. It’s a really tough issue to discuss because of the sensitivities and reflex tribalism.
Thankfully, Substack makes it so much more satisfying to write because of all the cool graphics and links you can use to get your point across thoughtfully.…and there are no editors!
Great read thanks
Thanks for being such a longtime reader John!!! Hope you’re well!
Fabulous! Thanks for this essay Melanie! Well said.
Well done, Melanie! Thanks for writing this. I’ve forwarded it to many friends and relatives.
Thanks Neil! I actually decided to do it after feedback from the Kansas School Board workshop I did…and of course the craziness happening now in Colorado. People are very motivated to engage in this issue, thankfully!